Clive Wild

Two nights in a row I have stayed awake until 10pm. I did almost crash in the early evening but I weathered the storm. My great theory about why I was waking early? It was rubbish. I thought the room was getting too warm. I have turned off all heating and just the same happened. What happens at 2am? Maybe a minor earth tremor. I know I awoke in a very odd state, sort of a Groundhog Day in my head. I just couldn't close my eyes so I got up. I have been up about 2 hours. I have been twittering ...

I never thought it would happen. It is passed 9.30 pm and I am still awake. I am functioning pretty well. I have chilled where possible for a few days and it is paying off. I enjoy twittering but I have to moderate it. If I go too far, my mood starts to get uncomfortable. I can see my goal of 10pm being possible. That has been my "bedtime" for quite some time. It means that I can in theory push my wakeup time out a little. I am due for a really good night or the "crash" as I call it.

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I have always selpt poorly and I have ended up awake in the early hours. I used to watch the crappy early morning TV and passed time. I discovered Twitter a month ago and it revitalised my interest in cyberspace. I haven't watched much TV in that time. Wars still go on. People are still stabbed and shot. Planes crash and natural disasters do their best to wipe out people. It makes no difference whether I know or not. I was just taking it all in and getting depressed. I don't need this extra i...

My Brain on Twitter

I refer to real celebrities and those that are celebrities in their own mind. The truth is that celebrities have so many thousands that they are following. There is also a huge number of people trying to Tweet them. The chance of getting a personal reply is minimal but we try and try. It doesn't seem to matter that the Dalai Lama or Stephen Fry do...

My conscious efforts yesterday to chill more seem to have worked. After talking to a fellow twitterer at length, I decided to push my evening meds back to bedtime. In recent months, I have taken them earlier for convenience and to avoid forgetting. My friend said that the meds, particularly carbamazepine, might help with my sleep.

Over the day I took plenty of chill breaks and avoided over stimulation. I did watch the last dvd of 24 series 6 and quite enjoyed it, more than ...

I consider myself a very lonely person. Most of my friends have backed off or disappeared because of my bipolar disorder. Some just heard about it. I just heard from a friend of 26 years and that was a relief. He was there for me before I was diagnosed. There are exceptions and I have a lot of bipolar friends. These are friends that I don't see or talk to between support group meetings. I don't do myself any favours by being so reclusive but it is self perpetuating. I have got back into the o...

How can you sleep, albeit 3 hours, and wake up feeling like an elephant's armpit? I'm not even manic. That might be fun but dangerous. I'm stuck in this horrible mixed state, mental energy to spare but physically exhausted. I went bed after 8pm because I was totally exhausted. I woke up before midnight. The realization is terrible. I think the pattern becomes ingrained but why can't I stay asleep. I fall asleep readily enough with the help of Seroquel. To be fair, I suffered like this before ...

I have never been more aware of my moods and my physical state. I always thought that being physically unfit would curb the effects of mania or the slide into mania. That's not an excuse for being a slob. Today my mind has been going at 100mph and my body has the handbrake on. It's a curious sensation, but it is strangely safe. I don't feel great but I am in control of things. I am still quite productive and I am thinking farely clearly. Manic folk always say that ! The proof is in the readin...

I survived the night but woke way before 4am. The night was disturbed as usual despite 200mg of seroquel. ONE cup of coffee and a few exchanges on Twitter leaves me more hopeful. The cloud has lifted. I am eating porridge having exhausted all my forms of bread in the flat. It doesn't taste bad with Banana, honey and sultanas. It is 6.16am and twitter is down for maintenance until 7am. I have already updated my Norton software and Java this morning.

I really enjoy DJ'ing on ...

I was riding the hypomanic surfboard this morning and I seem to have fallen off. I felt so good this morning but I was awake before 4am again. I over did things and got too much stimulation. Now it is 15 hours after waking and I feel like a different person. Sullen, sad, paranoid. I reached out for online friends and I found one new Twitter friend and one I have talked to for a few years. I find that fellow sufferers are the best support. They know where you are coming from. I hope a good nig...