Clive Wild

I have been meaning to write a piece about coping skills. I have built up a repertoire of skills. The truth is that I am not coping very well at the moment. I have suffered at various times from mood swings, depression, anxiety and hypomania. At the moment I suffer from what I classify as agitated anxiety.  I was so focussed on the anxiety that I failed to realize I was suffering from a kind of hypomania.  

Imagine your mind is going a hundred miles an hour as in hypomania. You normally get a lot done, unless you cross the line into mania. Add to this general anxiety and that's where I am. I keep doubting myself. I make more mistakes than usual. I forget to do things unless they are on my to-do list. I spend so much time on my to-do list , That I forget to take breaks and I forget to do other things that were not listed.

I spend most of the morning taking care of my to-do list. Things that would normally take no more than 30-60 minutes. I worry about absolutely everything, even my holiday that is 6 months away. In this state, I really worry actively.

I am not sure that medication will be my salvation. I am anxious for some reason that is not clear. Maybe just that my life sucks? My previous lithium and occasional periods of hypomania made me not care too much. I have to address the root causes. Before I do that, I need to get rid of this pervasive anxiety while staying in touch with my real feelings. I seem to have experienced these kinds of problems since I stopped lithium. Lithium worked like a wet blanket, suppressing a lot of stuff. I don't want to go back there.

I need to add coping skills for agitated anxiety to my box of tricks. It may involve medication in the short term, but not in the long term.

I hope this makes a little sense??

Clive