Clive Wild

A lot has been written about the personality traits of Bipolar people. It usually deals with childhood and the transition to adulthood. I am more concerned with the personality of Bipolars on a day to day basis. I have been largely stable on medication for 24 years. I have only just begun to realize that I have bipolar characteristics all of the time.

On occasions, I can be highly energetic and positive. On other occasions I can be almost non-functional and in the worst of lethargy. I don't consider this to be mood swings. I am reacting to the stimuli which are either exciting or depressing. If I am feeling positive and I begin some interesting work, my energy levels lift and I work longer and faster. If I am feeling negative, everything seems hopeless. This happens more after a period of sleep deprevation. Even a poor night's sleep can leave me in a more positive state.

The worrying thing is that I believe the hopeles feelings even though I know it is a trick of the mind. The same can be true of depression. One day can be as black as it can be. Next morning, you might wake up wondering why you were depressed.

This came to my mind because of experience yesterday evening. I began to feel excrutiatingly lonely. I had not been in touch with many of my online friends and I still find it hard to reach out to friends. I reached such a miserbale state that I went to bed and pulled the covers over. That's what they call a duvet moment. I truly felt hopeless and miserable. I had four hours sleep and I woke up in a much better frame of mind.

I re-applied myself to getting more Twitter followers. I am hoping it will be one means of promoting my book. I talked to an online friend early in the week. He gave me a simple method of gaining followers. It just required time and application. I certainly had plenty of time on my hands. I followed his formula through this week and I have gained over 500 followers from a start point of 400. I have no idea whether this will help to promote my book, but it is worth a try.

I conclude that my bipolar personality can be good for me. It can equally be destructive and can lead to wallowing in despair. This is particularly difficult because I live alone and I have little contact with living breathing people. I know my online friends do both of these things but it is not quite the same.

I would be interested in anyones thoughts on this subject. Maybe we can find ways to alleviate the worst of the feelings. There must be a better solution than diving under the duvet.

Clive Wild (BipolarFella)

Original Post Dated: April 9, 2009